And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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