Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
