I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The struggles of a small town man whore
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
