If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
