Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
