I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
