The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
