Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
