Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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