the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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