Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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