so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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