I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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