it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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