I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
