WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
