Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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