I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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