Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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