I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
