Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
