This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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