A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
