I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
