i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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