Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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