Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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