Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's just like the Real World with babies
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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