One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
