My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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