I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
