One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
