I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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