I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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