it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
