the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
