I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
