Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
