He kissed a someone with a penis
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
