I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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