I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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