I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
