My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to have your abortion
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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