It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
