The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
