his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Rumble strips road head = magical
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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