I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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