what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think people are normalizing furries
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