Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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