somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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