Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
