I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
