You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
