Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
