the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
