If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
