it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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