Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
