You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
