Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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