In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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